Have you ever looked back and wondered, “Why in the world did I do THAT?”

Sometimes that’s my whole life. I’ve wondered at times about getting the question tattooed on my forehead.

Last time we looked at the deadly self-infection of Results Syndrome. When I’m motivated by immediate results, I often find myself wondering (too late) why I did something so dumb.

Since one of my big personal goals is a more intentional life, I need to get better about making choices. I’m thinking that an important element in avoiding Results Syndrome is beginning with WHY.

Simon Sinek examines this seemingly basic notion in his book Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action. He offers a nice visual to reinforce the idea.

Too often, we make choices like this. We decide what to do based on pressure, fear, desire, or some other immediate stimulus. Then we work toward the center and—after the fact—ask why. In this model we end up either questioning our personal sanity or creating elaborate justifications for a decision that makes little sense.

Simon suggests that we make better choices when we begin with why.

Why cuts deep. In a culture that skips along the surface of life, why points me to my core values. Why centers my thinking more on eternal principles and less on temporary cultural or personal whims.

Why guides me toward “what’s right” and away from “what works.” Why prompts consideration of “what’s best” rather than “what’s possible” or “what’s easiest.”

A young person who stops to ask why might be better equipped to face pressure to compromise on issues of drugs, alcohol, or sexuality. A parent might be more apt to listen openly and lead rather than herd.

A politician who seriously asked why might be less inclined to avoid difficult issues based solely on a desire to be re-elected. A voter might look past appearance and ideological rhetoric.

A church that asks why might look less like an exclusive club catering to a better class of sinner. A follower of Jesus might be more forgiving and accepting, less inclined to judge and condemn.

I spend a lot of time and energy wondering what to do and how to do it. A lot of my prayers are about seeking guidance about what God wants me to do or how to follow Jesus in a particular situation. Perhaps I’m not aiming at the center of the target.

Maybe why is the center, the place to begin. When “what to do” and “how to do it” flow from “why am I doing it” I might spend less time looking back and wondering why I made such an obviously harmful choice.

I think God cares more about my character and my heart than my achievements. I suspect that if I act from the right why, if my heart’s centered on His purpose instead of mine, He’ll use even my imperfect efforts to accomplish great things.

Can you see any places where “beginning with why” might be helpful?

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Leading Or Herding?

How To Change Another Person

What Are You After?

We must become the change we wish to see in the world. Ghandi

What’s required to change the world?

Let’s think big, beyond small-time issues like economy and war. What do you think it would take to really change the world?

Visionary leader Gus Lee believes significant, lasting change occurs only through courageous leadership based on character.

I’m currently participating in a year-long program designed to foster courageous leadership. It’s a wonderful opportunity to study and apply the principles from Gus’ book Courage: The Backbone Of Leadership. I’m inspired to re-evaluate my own values and priorities.

Gus doesn’t advance simplistic, pie-in-the-sky platitudes. He’s a pragmatic, no-nonsense former prosecutor and airborne military officer. When you jump out of airplanes into harm’s way, you learn something about courage.

As Chair of Ethics and Character at West Point, Gus trains leaders to face critical, life-and-death choices. He’s also a committed follower of Jesus. Although he doesn’t phrase his ideas in church language, everything he advocates rests on Jesus’ teachings.

He supports his position with significant objective data. Multiple long-term studies demonstrate that all types of organizations guided by character and principle out-perform competitors in every important metric. The information’s been there for nearly two decades in best-sellers like Built To Last and Good To Great. The data is unequivocal, the conclusions are clear.

AND THE RESULT?

On any meaningful scale, it’s been ignored. Nothing has changed.

In fact, as we understand the greed and fraud that underwrote the recent global financial meltdown, one might argue that we’ve regressed even further. Highly intelligent, powerful people pursue disastrous policies in the face of overwhelming evidence that there’s a better, more productive, way.

Why?

I’m sure the reasons are varied and complex, but I believe much of this failure traces to a single, simple principle.

THEY

I call it THE “THEY” PRINCIPLE: WE are the good guys; THEY are the bad guys.

WE aren’t perfect, of course, but WE have the right motives, believe the right things, and have the right answers. If THEY would listen to us, WE could help them improve their character and halt their destructive behavior.

The REAL problem is THEY.

THE MESSAGE

Work through this with me. Choose a focus—economics, religion, politics, business, family—and see if you don’t agree with the following statements:

1. The culture is somewhat adrift.
2. We’ve sacrificed eternal principles to chase fleeting, short-term results.
3. Long-term principles yield greater success than a focus on immediate results.
4. The significant problems we face are moral problems.
5. Principle-centered leadership is the only way to solve moral problems.
6. Wisdom and discernment are more important than knowledge and information in determining what’s right.
7. Wisdom and discernment require character.
8. Character can be developed over time.
9. Significant courage is required to do the right thing in the face of opposition and fear.

10.  Courage can be learned. It’s a skill.

Do you agree?

So last week Gus taught the principles and skills required for courageous communication. He emphasized that everything was based on demonstrating unconditional positive respect for others.

We observed, studied examples, and practiced. And the very first question from the crowd was: What if the other person doesn’t respond like I want? Further discussion among participants revealed THE “THEY” PRINCIPLE at work.

What’s the point of leading if THEY don’t follow and change? Another item was added—implicitly—to the list.

11.  We need to help others to perceive their deficiencies and begin doing the right things.

OOPS

Do you see the not-so-subtle shift? Gus talked about developing our own personal leadership based on character and courage. He emphasized that it’s a journey of personal growth and change founded on respect for others.

Suddenly we’re focused on what THEY are doing wrong. If only THEY would think a little differently, behave a little better, or pay a little more attention to us, life would be good.

THE “THEY” PRINCIPLE degrades courageous leadership into a cheap imitation, a manipulative management trick designed to herd rather than lead.

Sadly, I frequently catch myself in the grip of THE “THEY” PRINCIPLE. Instead of becoming the change I wish to see in the world, I lament that THEY won’t listen.

I lead from the front by inspiring and trusting others to follow. Leadership requires courage, creativity, commitment, and respect.

I herd from the rear by nipping at their heels and coercing others onto my pre-determined “right” path. Herding involves manipulation and force.

And it changes nothing.

You don’t lead by hitting others over the head. That’s assault, not leadership. Dwight D. Eisenhower

Do you lead or herd in your important relationships?

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The Priority Of Courage

Courage and Fear

Risk And Courage

First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win. Gandhi

Do you ever look at something really familiar and see something you’ve never seen before?

I admire Gandhi; this is one of my favorite quotes. I get his point, but a closer look causes me to wonder: who’s “they”?

A teacher friend once accepted a non-classroom position as a central office administrator. He used to joke about how he’d instantly become part of “they,” as in “they need to do something about …”

We started calling him The Man From They. We even bought him a t-shirt with THEY printed on the front.

It was a fun little running chuckle that exposed our tendency to draw lines dividing the world into “them” and “us.” Simply by changing offices, my buddy switched sides and became part of an amorphous, undefined they.

DISTINCTIONS

In a sense, I suppose this sort of distinction is inevitable. Any time you form a circle, some folks choose to enter and some don’t. Us is whichever group I’m in, the other is them.

I’m not into being Pollyanna and pretending that divisions and groups are nonexistent or irrelevant. We’re not all one big, happy family. But there are some dangers in viewing people and events strictly through the lens of we and they.

I invite you to think about an important personal circle—religious faith, political affiliation, nationality, ethnicity, disability, cause—and think about how that particular circle influences your perceptions of they.

They are a convenient target. When someone isn’t part of us, it’s easier to discount their rights, discriminate in some fashion, or simply have a bit of innocent fun at their expense. Cruel jokes are a little more acceptable, inadvertent offenses a bit more excusable.

They are often defined by an overly-simplistic label. We are a collection of rational, free-thinking individuals who happen to share common (positive) values and goals. They are robotic ideologues marching with single-minded devotion, dedicated fanatically to irrational (destructive) causes.

They are blind to their leaders’ true purposes. They follow a manipulative, dangerous demagogue, while we listen to reasoned guidance from well-intentioned, visionary leaders.

They are easy to dismiss or dehumanize. You tend to notice folks from your own circle, but you can look right through one of them. At the other extreme, you stare because they are a curiosity.

They are easy to blame. Whatever went wrong, it can’t be our fault. And since they don’t share our values, convictions, and altruistic motives, it’s a small step to making almost anything their fault. They always want more than their fair share. They only care about themselves. They are too easily offended.

They frequently get cast in the role of enemy. They didn’t choose our circle, and we’re only seeking good stuff. With a little prodding, it becomes all too “obvious” that those who don’t choose our circle are a threat. From that perspective it’s too easy to impugn motives and intentions and conclude that they are dangerous.

LIES

I think we become consumed by differences until we’re blinded to commonalities.

One sure way to solidify our circle is to create a common adversary. Controversy and conflict attract attention, sell products, and advance causes.

The most effective, insidious lies often contain a significant element of truth. It’s pretty easy—and tempting—to intertwine lies and truths until they’re practically indistinguishable.

It’s also tempting to focus on the parts you like, especially when they’re repeated again and again in a loud voice.

Sometimes they are an enemy intent on harming us. Something about them is different, or we’d all be in the same circle. Some of them are selfish or mean-spirited. 

The problems happen with a subtle shift from some to all.

Once upon a time a group of students said, “Teacher, it is impossible for you to ever really understand us, for our world is so different.”

The teacher replied, “Once there were two villages which occupied the same land at different times; a Pueblo Indian village and the Los Alamos Atomic Research Village. The people who lived in one village were sometimes hungry and thirsty, strived for power, loved, hated, got tired, and felt others did not understand them. And, of course, it is obvious which village I describe.  Jan Rye Kinghorn

They shoot horses, don’t they? Horace McCoy

Who’s “they” in your circle?

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Whatever It Takes?

Surrender

The Butterfly Circus

How do you share your passion?

Do you have something you’re excited about? Perhaps it’s a hobby, a cause, a product, or an idea, but whatever it is really stirs you, gets your juices flowing. You want to spread the word.

I’ll use this blog as an example. I spend time on writing because I enjoy it. It’s a creative outlet, it stimulates my thinking, and I make a lot of great connections with really cool people like you. So I want to enrich the discussion, and meet more people.

Since expanding the circle is one of my three big goals for 2010, I’ve been thinking a lot about how it works. Maybe you can think of a circle you’d like to grow—maybe a business, a church, or a non-profit—and work through this with me.

THE CIRCLE

First, let’s be clear about what the circle represents. In my example, it’s Bouncing Back. Obviously, my first priority is remaining in the circle myself. That means I can’t violate my basic focus on valuing relationships simply to get people into circle.

Sometimes we get so excited about something that we’ll do almost anything to win converts. When that happens, we get violent activities in the name of peace or people who silence others with their demand for freedom to speak. It can present a real challenge, but I can’t leave the circle simply to get others inside.

The circle isn’t a place or a clique where we only hang out with those who are “like us.” Churches and organizations can be like that sometimes, but that’s not what I’m talking about. The circle represents folks who share a passion, an idea, a collection of common values or interests. You can’t share your passion by ignoring or de-valuing those who see things differently.

Here are some thoughts about growing your circle.

ENCOURAGE

Encouragement is for folks who are already inside the circle. They’re bought in to the basics, and so there’s some level of trust and understanding. You’re on some common ground, you speak the same basic language. You share some of the same interests and goals.

With people in the circle, you already have some permission to push a little, challenge ideas and actions. Have you ever watched a coach encourage players on a team? It’s often a mix of pat-on-the-back and kick-in-the-backside, but it works because they’ve already built a relationship.

It’s not okay to abuse or take people inside the circle for granted. This is the home crowd, the folks who have your back when things get tough. So you nurture these relationships carefully, always seeking deeper connections and more transparency.

After all, relationships are the whole point of the circle in the first place.

RECRUIT

Recruiting is for those close to the circle. They’re interested, they want to know more. Something in the circle attracts them, and they’re ready to at least consider joining. There’s something going on there that’s magnetic.

They made the choice to approach. You didn’t go out and round them up, because that would require you to leave the circle. So you’re in your circle doing your thing, and you and other people are having fun, growing, and talking about how great it is. They see something they like and offer an opening, an opportunity for someone inside the circle to tell them what’s going on.

Recruiting is personal, but potential recruits probably aren’t talking directly to you even though it’s your blog or cause or product. They’re most likely talking other folks in the circle with whom they already have some sort of connection. So they’re talking, and listening, to your friends, readers, or customers.

This doesn’t mean that recruiting is an accident. Growing the circle is a highly intentional process centered around clear communication and authentic human connections. People in that kind of circle become energized and excited, and they naturally want to share their passion with others in their networks. This is word-of-mouth growth; it’s exponential, and viral, and a lot of fun.

EVANGELISM

Evangelizing is for folks a long distance from the circle. They haven’t expressed an interest, so the first problem is that somebody has to leave the circle to fetch them.

Evangelism is often associated with religion, but it can happen with any circle. Evangelists call you at dinner time and send spam email. They fill your mailbox with junk mail and yell at you on street corners.

This is the aggressive sales pitch you didn’t request. It’s about convincing and converting. Evangelists play on your fears, your greed, or your vulnerability. They exploit weakness.

Evangelism works, as long as you don’t care who gets hurt. You might get a 2-3% response rate, and those who become irritated and alienated are just collateral damage, a cost of doing business.

Evangelism, in this context, is about coercion and manipulation.

The evangelist is that guy—you know, the one who never listens because his way, his product, his cause is all that matters.

I want to encourage, and I want to help with creating a circle that’s magnetic. I hope you find something here in the discussion and connection, that’s fun and energizing and challenging. And if the magnet attracts others who want to know more, I hope you’ll share.

I don’t ever want to be that guy. If I am, I hope someone hits me in the head with a shovel.

I am humbled by and grateful for your presence in this circle. It’s a lot of fun for me—because you’re here.

How about you? What are your thoughts about encouraging, recruiting and evangelizing in your circles?

Did you enjoy this article? I encourage you to leave a comment, visit my website, and/or send me an email at rich@richdixon.net.

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How To Expand Your Circle

What’s Going To Happen?

Setting The Stage For Success

Courage

17 Ways To Wear Yourself Out

Happy Monday! I’ve decided to add a feature.

For the next few Mondays, I’ll post a series of excerpts from RELENTLESS GRACE. You can read previous excerpts here.

I hope you enjoy them, and that you’ll encounter God’s invitation to give hope another chance.

HEAVEN (Relentless Grace Excerpt #7)

Spinal Cord Injury denotes varying degrees of damage to the nerves in the spinal cord. The body’s amazing design incorporates a number of protective safeguards, and often this extremely serious injury isn’t immediately medically life threatening. Even when paralysis prevents most voluntary movements, life-sustaining automatic functions continue. Injuries high in the neck sometimes create breathing issues and cause dependence on a ventilator, and comprehensive treatment addresses a long list of other potentially critical concerns. But SCI is primarily chronic and forces adjustments to just about every aspect of life.

In the weeks after my accident I couldn’t move around independently at all, couldn’t even roll myself over in bed, so to avoid bedsores someone had to turn me every two hours. I pretty much stayed wherever someone left me. And since I still found little motivation to do anything that wasn’t absolutely necessary, I tended to stay in bed a lot. Despite efforts to encourage me, this routine resulted in a complete lack of exercise or any other movement at all.

Restricted movement contributed to constrained, shallow breathing which didn’t efficiently clear my lungs. I couldn’t cough effectively because the injury affected my diaphragm. Nurses and therapists tried hard to encourage deep breathing and coughing exercises, but I didn’t put much effort into this important therapy. Over a few weeks’ time the combination of sedentary existence and inadequate breathing created a dangerous situation: I developed pneumonia.

Pneumonia’s nothing to mess with even if you’re relatively healthy otherwise. For someone who doesn’t move around much, the infection can lead to serious complications and even the risk of death. I wasn’t completely aware of the danger, but I vaguely recall significant concern from the doctors and nurses.

As the infection progressed I became increasingly lethargic. Despite the best efforts of the medical team, I spiraled downward. Later I learned that I lapsed into a kind of semi-coma.

I opened my eyes in total stillness, none of the hospital noises to which I’d become accustomed. I lay on my right side, and I couldn’t see anything. I moved my eyes from side to side, but darkness obscured my surroundings. I felt as though I floated in a totally black, open space, alone in a dark void. I didn’t try to move, didn’t try to speak, just lay there and rested in peaceful silence.

It was so completely still. I wasn’t afraid even though I could see and hear nothing to help me orient myself. Peace, that’s what it was. It felt like a palpable peace had settled around me. I closed my eyes for a moment, or maybe for a long time.

Eyes open again, the same calm, serene blackness. I glanced toward my feet and perceived a vague shadow of an image. Someone stood beside me, a presence almost felt more than seen. I waited in the perfect tranquility, and as my eyes adjusted to the darkness I discerned a faint outline. A man, standing very near, head bowed. Even in the silence, I could sense the man was praying. I closed my eyes again, for a moment or a lifetime.

He’s still there. No sound, no movement, just standing there immersed in prayer. Muted details, just the silhouette of this figure standing motionless beside me, head bowed, surroundings so calm I can almost hear his thoughts. Peaceful, quiet, and dark, just this shadowy form hunched over me.

I waited, quiet, serene, and contented, no desire to do anything or say anything. Everything seemed restful, somehow just as it was supposed to be. I couldn’t determine who stood next to me, somehow certain there was no need to know. It was just right to be here, to just be in the tranquility and peace surrounding me. I was exactly where I belonged. I knew I was safe, as though Love had come alive, wrapped its arms around me, and held me securely in this place of peacefulness.

It’s Jesus! Jesus is standing beside me. This must be Heaven, this space of such perfect peace and calm. I’ve died, I’m in Heaven, and Jesus is standing beside me, praying over me. No fear, no questions, just tranquility and calm. No emotions—not excitement, not wonder, not sadness. Everything here is just filled with a sense of serenity; it’s all just as it’s supposed to be. So quiet, so safe, no more pain, no more fear. I took a deep breath, smiled and closed my eyes.

Heaven.

If you’d like to read the story of Relentless Grace, you can order a signed copy here or purchase it at Amazon.com.

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Happy Saturday! If you’re new to THE CRAZY QUEST, you may wish to read about it here. Basically, I’m tracing my journey as I attempt to answer the question:

What would you do if you didn’t know you couldn’t do it?

ACCOMPLISHING THE IMPOSSIBLE

Impossible is an attitude.

The Crazy Quest has moved into winter mode. The handcycle’s on the indoor trainer, and beautiful Colorado scenery is traded for movies and the garage wall. Miles become minutes. Training for a dream isn’t always fun.

Can you prepare for a long ride by cranking in one place? Sounds impossible, so today I’m releasing a brand new free e-book titled

A brief guide to ACCOMPLISHING THE IMPOSSIBLE

I hope you’ll download it, learn something, and pass it along to someone who’s struggling to see the limitless possibilities that await each of us.

Let me know what you think.

If you haven’t already checked out the resources page, you might visit and check out the other free materials.

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